Lately I’ve been finding that after eliminating or minimising every possible distraction or negative entitity in my life, the only one left that seems to draw me away from my goals are my friends. This is NOT a friends bashing post - I love my friends. They are wonderful, positive people, and without them life is bland, almost depressing. They are the spice of my life. Which is exactly the analogy I’m about to draw. I removed vices like drinking, smoking and playing video games not only because I have a tough time balancing them in my life, but those are things where it’s complete absecnce is the best balance. They truly resonated with the saying:
“what does not take you towards your goals, is taking you away from them”
However lately I began to wonder if my friends fit this category as well. However comparing my friends to alcohol or any thing in that category is wrong. I think it’s a better idea to compare them to food - or even the amount spice in the food you have.
And this analogy is not restricted to the goal-distracting quality of friends. I’m sure some of you have friends who are constantly changing, and sometimes for the worse. How do you put up with all the negativity they throw at you? Is it worth putting that energy and time to continue being thier friend? Or are friends worth having at all?
Just like the analogy - food is a need. Without it we die. However people who live to eat, instead of eating to live, often find themselves abusing food and becoming overweight. Striking a balance with food .. and friends is important. It may seem a little obvious and redundant to have made that point, but it was a major paradigm shift for me to realise that my friends were counter-productive - despite the fact that they are positive people, who help me de-stress and unwind. Sometimes, though, you will have friends that have the same effect as food-poisoning - though it’s not my first choice, sometimes you do have to give them up, especially if they have very little nutritional value. But throughout this post I’m assuming that we are talking about 80% of the friends we have, who I think are worth having.
How do you balance something that doesn’t want to be balanced though? Some of my friends conciously try to throw off the balance factor, by trying to consume my time. It’s exploiting a weakness I have since even I then start giving in to the temptation of not sticking to persistance.
In short - how do you make up for your friends’ fluctuations. Just like a UPS (the battery unit that provides you clean and constant power supply out of a dirty and inconsistent supply from the city’s electricty depatment) sadly the task falls upon each of us to raise our perception and situation-handling situation. We must develop a mind like water (as used in the philosophy of many martial arts) to adapt to the situation - just as water adapts itself to any vessal you put it in - without giving up it’s properties.
Learn to see through this in your friends instead of reacting to the superficial. If you can, look at the important things, instead of ths rubbish - focus on thier problem, not thier negativity. Focus on your consistency, not thier temptation. This way you are adapting to the situation and retaining one of the best things you can have in life.
