Just a little over a month ago, we endured the day the whole world decides to celebrate romantic and sexual love. And as a single person it was a little difficult to endure - but as I look back at it now, it was difficult because of my state of mind. I knew it then too, the irritation caused by the display of affection and the anger caused by the pain of not having someone eclipsed any sense of logic that was pointing to the obvious - Valentine’s day itself is not the culprit. The culprit is a deadly mix of our human nature to want that what others have (and claim to enjoy more than anything in the world) and sometimes a sense of inferiority caused by the lacking.
Regardless, I was in a terrible mood for some time that day - I even wrote a long blog post about what I really felt about this day that was a travesty upon single people in the world - and thankfully had the good sense to leave it as a draft to look upon it later in retrospect. I did just that today and the first thought that came to mind is - how much emotional state of being can change over a period of just a month.
The second thought that does come to mind is that, while it was not right for me to be angry / jealous / envious / hurt about being single in a world that seems like it is full of lovers in our faces - it needs to be accepted that the want for love is a fundamental need.
Maslow dedicated a whole layer of his pyramid to love: Friendship, Family and sexual intimacy (which I think can be encapsulated in Romantic intimacy and is what I’m going to focus on)
The funny thing about the pyramid is that generally you cannot proceed to higher layers and fulfill higher needs on the upper layers of the pyramids if the needs on a lower layer or not met (sort of like another system I’m normally working with)
However in Hinduism, like most religions, detachment from all ties like friendship, family and romantic intimacy is encouraged as it actually aids the achievement of Self Actualization / Enlightenment (I will use those two terms interchangeably for now). I actually agree - I don’t believe a person HAS to have even any of those three type of loves to be able to be happy - much less reach enlightenment.
However we all know ourselves and have lived our entire lives with wants and needs, long enough to know that they come naturally. Using monkeys in a lab set up, scientists actually have proven that a mothers love is necessary for normal psychological growth and behavior. It blew my mind when I read that most of human pleasure comes from the release of dopamine - a chemical neurotransmitter that’s created during the times we enjoy something. It’s mostly created during two events:
1) when we eat
2) when we have sex / are in love
Why? Because of evolution, we’re wired for survival - and the two things we need to do to survive are feed and procreate. So the brain is programmed to automatically reward us with joy when we do something linked to our survival - on a purely anthropological / biological level.
At any level - as a human being, a living animal to the electrons in the atoms of our cells - we all try to move from a state of unrest and higher energy to a state of stability and lower energy. That means we try and run from pain and run towards joy. It’s what we’re programmed to do. The closest thing almost everyone will get as the answer to “what is the purpose of life” is “the pursuit of happiness” (with an implied “and the escape from pain” stupid 
)
However is that a need? Pumping dopamine into our brains? Dopamine is a highly addictive substance - which would be the root explanation for every sin and vice imaginable. Because we are addicted to dopamine we run towards what gives us joy - whether it be gluttony or lust… or any of the other sins the Vatican have declared… and your local legislation has declared a crime. So dopamine is the enemy? It’s the fruit in the garden of eden, whose temptation if we succumb to - we incur the pain of hell. I think I’ve just decoded the biblical story of Adam and Eve! yay 
Before I get a head of myself and write “the Christ Code”, I should also point out that gluttony and sloth and the sins are all excess versions of things that are actually normal and sometimes needed for survival. Ever watch the movie “Se7en”? I’m a big fan of David Fincher, and as tribute to that movie I’ll list those seven deadly sins caused by an unregulated addiction to dopamine.
The need to eat to live : The excess is Gluttony
The need to have sex : The excess is Lust
The need to win at competition : The excess is envy
The need to sleep : The excess is sloth
The need to get money / material objects : The excess is greed
The need for self respect : The excess is pride
The need for defending ones self : The excess is wrath / anger
(this is one exception to the “dopamine addiction causes sin” theory)
What’s the moral of the story? The same answer to a lot of things, and one of the central pillars of hinduism, buddhism, greek philosohpy - Balance.
The need for romantic and sexual fulfillment must at least be acknowledged. But it cannot be allowed to overrun your senses, judgment, action and life.
