In my last blog post I mentioned that our brains are like computers that can experience changes in the state by introduction of chemicals like dopamine. Imagine if we could do that to our PC’s and laptops- putting computers on a ‘high’. Of course, the computers on our desks do as we tell them to, the computers in our head tell us what to do. So it would be just fun to see what happens to these computers - do they become addicted?
A lot of the things we do aren’t just motivated by pleasure based chemicals - they’re also motivated based on pain that we’ve experienced before. Our brain’s full of neural pathways. When we go through an experience that results in pain, a pattern is established that tells us that anything or something related to that pain, should be avoided. That’s why in addition to going towards things that give us pleasure, we find ourself conciously or subconciously going away from that which can potentially cause pain.
So, far from being computers that act on unbiased logic, our brains are constantly churning out decisions that are based on the amount of pain and pleasure that we experience. If we experience pleasure, we’re drawn to it more and try to get more pleasure - creating an addiction. If we experience pain, we try and escape the pain if we can - and if we cannot, it causes a complex or a neurosis.
(I feel like i’m reinventing neural sciences and applied psycology, but at this point i’m kind having fun and it’s even a little therapuetic for me 
)
In life we make decisions the best we can, most of the time. However those decisions may be skewed by the kind of emotional hang ups we have based on the kind of pleasure versus pain equation we have with the subject of the decision. There is no way of ensuring it is going to be pure and the highest logic when it comes to those decisions unless you recognise and accept and even overcome the pain versus pleasure variables in the equation.
If there is a bag of fertilizer in the room spreading it’s smell, then you can spray air freshner and perfume all you want, to try and sit in the room with peace of mind - but untill you get rid of the bag, it’s not a permenant solution. To get rid of the bag, first you have to find it - and do not underestimate this step, for most people don’t bother to examine themselves (many only manage through therapy with shrinks). The next step would be to acknowledge it’s there (there’s a fine line between accepting one’s flaw and being a hypochondriac …or reckless about it) The third step would be to remove it effectively.
The fourth and final step would be to reconcile with the fact that it’s been there so long without anyone doing anything about it - accepting responsibility and moving on.
The first place to look for weaknesses would be your known insecurities and hang ups. But to acknowledge these insecurities as rooted in a flaw or a weakness takes a lot of courage.
Acknowledging it means looking past ego and saying “yes, I can be flawed. This is one of them.” It may be quite a task for a person who is very confident about themselves, and it may be a slippery road for someone who totally isn’t. In fact for the latter, there might be a lot of false positives.
Removing it is something that happens with a lot of therapy - inward reflection might work but because of the already existing bias and the proverbial “too close to see the whole picture” problem - has less chances of succeeding, or at a minimum would take much longer and much more effort due to potential wrong turns.
Accepting that you had a major flaw in your emotional make up is all about accepting that we aren’t perfect. We weren’t brought up in a perfect world. We were brought up by imperfect parents who tried thier best, grew up with imperfect friends who were brought up by their imperfect parents, taught by imperfect teachers in imperfect schools…. perfection just doesn’t really exist around here.
Don’t punish yourself for being imperfect. The important thing is the journey towards perfection. Which is possibly what god / evolution wanted for us - a journey towards perfection, rather than the destination itself. Proof exists in the fact that we’re usually more happier and get more dopamine from the milestones along the journey than the destination itself (unless it’s a painful journey like a prison sentance or my college years)
I’m wondering now if the respect and kudos that we got for decisions that were supposedly based on logic, morals, emotional strength - is invalid because those decisions were probably based on the pain versus pleasure equations in our head.
But as a friend told me - are we really supposed to be worrying about respect from others?
I think to an extent - yes. If maslow’s laws apply, then respect from our peers is important.
However, instead of respecting you for the decisions that you did, they would probably respect you more for understanding yourself better, finding your flaws, and overcoming them - even the flaws that made you make those decisions in the first place.
More importantly you need to find respect for yourself. Just because certain decisions were made because of pain/pleasure variables instead of values - doesn’t mean you don’t have the values. Look at other decisions in your life, look at yourself and what you believe in. If you have a set of values that does still stand true, then there’s no need to worry.
